Here I Come Again..

Hello once again...pheww..after a long time..here I come to update my blog again...not to say that I was busy..but..it was merely because, I was not in a good state of mind. Well, things won't always be as what we plan ryte. 2015 was not a good start for me. Putting aside my posting that I've been waiting, I would say that this year is quite a disaster for me. It all started when I was posted to the "awesome" district in Johor called Pagoh. I hated the place as a whole. Seriously,I couldn't accept the place at all as there were no single entertainment in there, be it a theatre, restaurants, good sceneries,food or even good people. After both growing and studying in big cities of Seremban and Kuala Lumpur for more than 23 years and being urged to go to a totally isolated area for work purpose was definitely a never ending nightmare for me. Trust me, I suffered a lot. However, as time passed I convinced myself to just accept my fate and I started to live in it as how it is. My life in 'Pagoh' taught me many things that I did not know and see before this. I learnt the true meaning of love in family, I understood the need of friends, I realised how people change according to their needs and more to that I learnt to be independent. There were no days that I didn't cry that very time. My only hope was God. My prayers to Him somehow helped me to move out from the hell I was in. Things changed slowly, and my days brightened as they passed...whatever it is, the one word that kept me going was the self-esteem that I had in me. I made a promise to myself that, I should not give up in any challenges that I would face in my life. I know that I am not as strong as I seem to be but I know that I love myself and I still have many dreams unfulfilled. Moreover, I too need to prove my real self capability to many people who had badmouthed and looked down upon me. So, in order for me to accomplish all my dreams, I need to stand strong as the 'bricks that hold the sea water from coming to the pathway'..hahaha..You think I can do that? hmmm..lets see what fate has it for me...

p/s-I'll never give up. HE will be by my side.

I never thought that u would....

Everything that is happening between me and u now is like a nightmare that I would not want to experience again in my life....do you know why? Because it hurts me to the core..yes it does...You know I would not be able to take it,yet u did it...i know I should accept it, just like other girls will do...but I just couldn't. Its not that I'm not trying..each time I open my eyes from my sleep,I will try to reach my phone to call you...but something inside me will stop me from doing so...my only question to you is...."How could you?" I trusted you alot...and you knew that.. you taught me everything,to smile,to laugh,to forgive,to accept and to live life happily..but why can't you teach me to forget your mistakes and be normal back to you...

Im just a normal girl who is yearning for care n loyalty...but why do i lose to get it everytime. I know you can't do anything for it now..i understand..i totally understand u...but do u understand me...the situation that you have put me into.....where do i go n get remedy for that....many questions are still unanswerable.....till when I'm going to be clueless,I don't know...but whats for sure..is just that...IM NOT GOING TO BE THE SAME TO YOU ANYMORE....you have lost me..  

its different...

Life has changed...nothing seems to be same as before....The only thing that is visible now is the new challenges that I am going through in my life. This new life phase of mine is teaching me the real meaning of life and the hurdles that one has to go through in order to reach the highest peak of  it. Believe me, its tough and I am seriously not enjoying my life even for little.Happiness aside....I am learning and realizing more about the love and affection that my family has on me. Now I am far away from my family and also my beloved boyfriend,yet their love and expectations on me are the ones that keep me moving forward each day. Just like everyone out there I too wished to be happy and to lead a sweet working journey but God decided something else for me...and I am accepting it with a big hand.....I believe that HE has HIS own reasons for it..so i will wait and strive along with the upcoming challenges...I need to face the challenges in order to make my parents proud and also to shut those filthy mouths that badmouthed and looked down upon me. I know I can do it....I am trying my best to be an independent girl who don't bug her parents for anything...I am trying...and I will succeed one day...HAPPINESS is not forever but if you want to make it last long then you have to strive for it...I may not be happy now but trust me I am going to update this blog with a happy entry really soon.....